Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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