a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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