oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize