i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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