The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
