No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
