I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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