Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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