Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
