Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
