I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize