my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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