I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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