I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
