yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
