We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
