why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You don't make any sense
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