Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
