he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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