Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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