I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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