my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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