Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
