great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
