I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
