i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
