Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
