Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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