it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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