i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
