I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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