She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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