if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize