When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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