I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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