So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
