I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
