Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
