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Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They have beer where we have blood.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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