there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
