im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize