this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish i was in the wii world.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
