RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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