I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
