I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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