i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
