I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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