Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
