1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
