I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
