Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
third nipple confirmed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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