i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
