I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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