Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
