im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize