I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
