How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize