it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
