Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
