I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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