I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Two words: nipple clamps
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