If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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