he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
