it hurts more in the daytime
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
