oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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