i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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