you have to choose: penises or morals?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
