just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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