don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i drank out of a bidet.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
