I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
