I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
